Stress? Depression? What is wrong with me?

[Madeleine]

I'm unhappy all the time, even the smallest thing upsets me, uni is stressing me out, I cry a lot. Like, a LOT. I am completely unmotivated to do anything. As a result I haven't been too fun to be around, especially if you're my boyfriend who cops all the tears when I emotionally collapse every time I get home or can't handle something. So, as one would expect, it is starting to have an effect on our relationship. Combined with feeling crap all the time, I feel super omni crap because I feel like I'm pushing away the one person who I feel the most comfortable with and can rely on to stand by me. It has got to the point where he is starting to almost ignore it when I get upset because it happens so frequently. We've talked about this, and though I'm scared of pushing him over the edge, my problem is not so much our relationship, but the fact that I just don't know how to deal with whatever it is that is making me so unhappy. And that's part of the problem, the fact that I don't actually know what it is that's making me so upset, which is frustrating for both of us. He thinks I am just doing it to myself, not intentionally, but that I am the only one who can fix it because whatever he does doesn't seem to help. He has stopped trying to console me because it doesn't seem to make me feel better. Anyway, we talked about me seeing a counsellor... my university offers free counselling and it's probably not a bad idea. What really worries me though is that maybe it IS just me... I thought that maybe I just couldn't cope with the stress from school or that the fact that I haven't relaxed in a looong time might have something to do with it or that my head and emotions are just messed up from the intensity of the course and all the apprehension and anxiety I have about it. But maybe it's just me... have I somehow made myself an unhappy person? I used to be happy most of the time, positive, motivated... concepts that seem foreign to me now. When was the last time I had a really good laugh? Is this just stress? Am I depressed? Is it really all in my head?

Am I just doing this to me? And whether I am or not, why am I, and most importantly, how can I fix it???

Thanks for reading if you got this far... I guess what I want people to say is that it's not just all in my head, I guess so that I have something to blame it on, like "oh it's just stress" or whatever. But it seems so much more than that, but maybe I just have to accept that there is nothing to blame but myself. This has been going on for some time and it really has to stop. In terms of eating and sleeping I am doing those normally and I am a pretty active person. I just don't know why I feel the way that I do but mostly I just want to be happy again. Or at the very least, not be unhappy... I just feel like I've turned into some kind of emotional monster and I don't know what to do to fix it.

[kuju]

See the counsellor. If you're going through a major depressive episode then you can get help. If it is stress... then you're frankly not coping with it very well and a counsellor/psychologist can help with your coping skills as well.

[Cedrada]

You remind me of myself.

I worry a lot too. It will help to talk to a councillor about all this. Talk to your boyfriend as well, explain that you think you are pushing him away, if you can't talk to him about it, write him a letter explaining everything.

It isn't just you doing this to yourself, your emotions might be running high but don't kid yourself that it's just your fault. Stress can be a big factor in the way you feel, don't beat yourself up about it, it happens to lots of people and its nothing to worry about further. It's not just in your head, you know the way you are feeling and that's ok.

I've been to some dark places in my depressive moods and it's not fun. Find someone to talk to, whether its your boyfriend, a councilor or a third part like a friend, it will help to talk. Trust me.

We are here on the forums as well, just PM me if you feel really down and want a chat. I'll be here.

Stay strong and try to smile, even if you dont feel like it, give it a go. It can help.

[Tootsie Pop]

when I was maybe 18 years old I went through the same thing. I really cant pin point why or what it was that was bothering me......... but seeing someone on campus is a great idea. My parents thought I was making it up and I had no one to really talk to. But it was a very rough point in my life. Sometimes things like this happen when you arent getting enough sleep/rest. A lot of people think medication is always the answer.... but its not. I think talking to a professional can help and they can offer some insightful suggestions. But, youre not the only one who has felt this way. It isnt unusual... and there is hope! But along with Cedrada, I would be happy to talk if you ever need to find someone to talk to. Hang in there.

[Shocka]

But along with Cedrada, I would be happy to talk if you ever need to find someone to talk to. Hang in there.

Make that three, and I have a degree in Psychology! (BPsych)

[Tootsie Pop]

Make that three, and I have a degree in Psychology! (BPsych)


.... just curious... but what would someone with a degree suggest for this girl? :)

[Nurseman]

Shocka has a degree?

.....in PSYCH?!!

Suddenly I am very scared.


Stress is really fascinating. It can turn almost anybody into mush. I am very stressed out, myself, right now, because my job is circling the drain. Its almost enough to make me break 25 years of sobriety sometimes, but I will survive. I have learned (if NOTHING else) in my life that it WILL get BETTER. Eventually, I will get through this crappy little bump in my career and then I can go find a little quiet Nursing Home where I can work night shift, pass my pills, listen to my iPod, and be nice to old people.

I feel very mushy these days.

Madeline, school is stressful. Hell, HIGH SCHOOL is stressful! And you're PAST THAT! Now you are in Uni where EVERY Prof thinks you have NOTHING better to do than HIS FRIGGIN' CLASSWORK!
I feel for you.

Please, go talk to someone. Stress can truly eat you up. It will mess with your health, both physical and mental. Talk to your parents. (Yeah, I know. "Parents? Yuk!") But they really only want whats best for you. Keep posting here. Here, you are among friends. Vent your spleen. We will listen (or 'read' as the case may be). We will help if we can. But go talk to someone. Today.

We'll discuss the boyfriend later.


(((HUGS))) (((HUGS)))

[Madeleine]

Thanks for the support and hugs, much appreciated.

I saw a counsellor today... it was okay. I didn't feel like it was that enlightening. He basically ended up making three suggestions, that I could go about it "behaviourally", and make the changes that I need myself, make myself work on my projects, make myself take breaks, that kind of thing. The second thing was "st john's wort" which I believe is a natural antidepressant (or something like that) and thirdly, although he didn't really recommend it so much, that I could go on antidepressants... that seems a little extreme, like, am I really that messed up? Plus I like to avoid taking unnecessary medication, especially since I am pretty sure that once uni is over I will be able to breathe and get myself sorted out. But it made me wonder if it had come to a stage where it was too late for that... he had suggested that if I did take antidepressants, that I could get that boost I needed and then stop taking them once I'm done with uni. Anyway, I also mentioned to my doctor who I also saw today and he also suggested the st johns wort thing, and doing lots of "happy" and relaxing stuff (hanging out with friends, walks on the beach, etc). I find it so hard to do things that aren't uni-related without feeling guilty about it afterwards, like I should have been working on that project or whatever.

What I am more worried about at the moment is that while I'm feeling pretty okay right now, I just go through these moody patches, mood swings, am over-sensitive... and you can guess who has to put up with it all... the Boyfriend. I know that I am not always that nice to be around when I'm with him, and he is admiringly tolerant of my quick mood changes, but I know that it bothers him to some extent. He has told me in the past to "toughen up" which I hate and he thinks that I am just doing this to myself (whatever 'this' is...) but he is still very supportive. I really need him now more than ever, and I think that is making me a little clingy/needy. But because of my gradually increasing unhappiness, I think he is slowly losing his patience. I just want him to sit by me, be comforting, and basically give me all his attention (selfish, I know). Anyway, the point of all that was that I'm worried I'm messing up my relationship while I am withering away into stress, depression or whatever the hell it is that's wrong with me.

Sorry that's all so woffly and all over the place. And the second part probably belongs in a different forum (oops).
But to summarise:
1. Saw counsellor who gave some suggestions, think I will try out st johns wort once I find out more about it.
2. Think that my falling-apart-ness is affecting long term relationship.
3. Think there is something terribly wrong with me and I want to fix it!!

[Tootsie Pop]

OK. From what you say, I dont think that you are "messed up." You are taking steps to help yourself, so you should be proud of yourself for doing that much. I think you should see the councilor again on a semi regular basis. Seeing him one time wont fix everything. But its a start. I am also slightly against putting all sorts of medications into my body (that is MY personal choice and I dont bash anyone who feels differently).... and you are staying within what YOU are comfrotable with. That is also something positive. Basically, I think you have a good starting point.... but you should continue with the steps.

As for your relationship............. this is a toughy. My first reaction is that you should take time to make yourself better. My after thought was that he should be more supportive, but if he is only making your issue worse by telling you things like "toughen up" and making it obvious that he doesnt understand..... maybe he isnt very good for you anyway. Set some time aside and talk to him calmly about what is going on with you. Help him understand. Tell him how he can help. I read this situation as him not understanding. If things wont change, maybe moving on is for the best.

[Cedrada]

You are not messed up at all. It's just a blip in your emotions nothing that bad.

Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds like he just doesnt understand. Make time to sit with him and tell him how you feel, try not to be clingy during this time. Explain how you are feeling and why. If he still doesn't understand or is not supportive then it might be time to say goodbye.

[Nurseman]

When I am presented with problems such as you have, I have found that just "thinking" about them can make things worse, much worse. Thoughts are fluid. You need something concrete. So....

You need to ask yourself;"What are my options?". What can you change to make things better? In this particular case, what do you do to lower your stress level?

GET A TABLET AND WRITE ALL THIS DOWN! Putting things on paper eliminates that "fluid" thing. Gives you a "concrete" foundation to build on.

Next thing to ask yourself;"What are my resources?" What tools do you have to help you get something done? Write those down too.

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Another thing I think you need to ask yourself: "Do I really NEED all this crap I'm putting myself through?" Do you really NEED to be in school? Is there some law that says you HAVE to finish your degree in four years? Would it kill you to do it in five? Or six?


Nobody has ever died wishing he had spent more time at the office. (I don't know WHY I said that, it just seemed profound.)
I just think that you should live every day looking for just a little happiness. You don't need much but you should have, at least, a little. It doesn't sound like you're having even THAT right now. Make some changes. Explore your options. I did. I dropped out. Became a Paramedic, had a blast. I still have stress. But its stress I choose to have. I deal with it. Find something YOU can deal with.

[Ryan Tiley]

It's good that your boyfriend is being so understanding.

Try to treat yourself well and try not to worry too much about how your boyfriend might react. You are such an important person - in fact _to you_ you are the most important person in the world.

Keep a journal. I did. Write down what you feel. Realise it's normal to have feelings.

If you're not comfortable with your counsellor/therapist then change. Make sure you can talk comfortably or it's a waste of your time. Personally I really wouldn't be comfortable with somebody who recommended drugs or herbal remedies - I strongly feel that cognitive-behavioural therapy is best. But that's me. Cognitive means telling yourself you're a worthwhile strong person, and behavioural means acting like it, and thus reinforcing your new found belief with action. Feel free to discuss this with your counsellor. Well, that's a gross simplification but it can be empowering. Lots of people see therapists now even when they don't feel they have a problem - they just want to improve their life. So it can be a good idea.

You're not broken. Everyone goes through tough times. Some cope by not telling anybody, and they turn into hardened, irritable people. Some cope by talking about it, and they come to understand themselves better through talking with other people about their own tough times.

Try not to give yourself labels. There is not 'something terribly wrong' with you. You're a normal person like me. I've had bad patches. Like in 2003 when I was at university. Then 2004 was great and it's been great since. I saw a counsellor back then. It helped a bit. Mostly, what helped was just time. Time allowed me to realise that there wasn't anything wrong with me, and that I was a good and worthwhile person.

[amiesatia]

We are worried because we feel we are not in control of our mind and life. Our mind wondered and scattered and with it it brings worries. You can regained the control gradually by spending some time for yourself each day. Just for yourself, focus on doing one activity and keep the worrying at bay while you are doing it.

You can try to do this mentally..

Tell yourself you are going to spend 15mins of a day to stay away from worrying. In this 15mins, keep the WHAT IFs away. Draw something, write something, talk to a friend, sing a song, dance like a kid, jump on the spot..just anything... pick up an activity and focus on doing it for that 15 mins. Don't think of the problems or things that you have been worrying about for that 15 mins. focus on yourself and focus on one thing.

Gradually, increased to 20 mins, 30 mins, 40 mins to an hour. By practising the above exercise, soon, you will feel happiness and sun shine again. :)

[ChloëAuChocolatChat]

Yes. Take St. John's Wort. It's worked very well for me, my mother, and a friend of mine. I'm going through a similar sort of depressed/stressed kind of stage, too. I'm probably going to start taking it again.

Oh, and *hugs*. I know from my own experience that you can never get enough of those. ;)